As odd as it sounds, people would rather die than walk into a room full of strangers and talk to them! It makes no logical sense to me, but deep in the shadows of my childhood fears, I can still hear my mother’s warning: “Don’t talk to strangers!”
Decades later, that modern “monster under the bed” still grabs our feet, making us recoil in horror at the prospect of speaking to a room full of strangers. Instead, we slip quietly into the room, avoiding eye contact, slinking toward the back—anywhere but out in the open where the people are!
We fiddle with our phones, pretend we’re busy, and distract ourselves—all while feeling frustrated at our weakness, lack of courage, and inaction. If we’re not careful, that feeling will chase us from the room, once again confirming our belief that “networking isn’t for us.” It’s a vicious cycle, and something to avoid.
Snap Out of It!
First, shake your head. People don’t bite—unless you’re at a special party and the bartender is wearing rubber. In that case, you’ve lost me, and I suggest you move along—nothing to see here.
But if you’re at a B2B networking event, where people are dressed in business attire and chatting in small groups, then you’re definitely in the right place. Here are some things to remember:
1. People WANT to Talk to You.
People go to networking events to talk to other people. They want to connect. They want to know each other. They want to discover commonalities—that’s how it works.
2. Everyone Gets Nervous.
It’s normal. It means you care. You want to make a positive impression. You don’t want to waste your time or theirs. That’s good! Just don’t let the nerves stop you. Take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and slowly exhale. Smile as you do it. Now put one foot in front of the other and walk into the room.
3. It’s NOT About Selling.
People get too hung up on the idea that networking means being a super salesperson. That’s all wrong. It’s about connecting, not convincing. It’s about finding common ground, not working the room.
When you meet someone, simply smile, extend your hand, and say, “Hello, my name is James. What do you do?” (Of course, I recommend using your own name.)
4. You’re Not Interrupting.
When you walk up to a small group of people, pay attention to their body language and facial expressions. If the group seems open, stand at the edge and listen. Smile. Wait for it… Someone will invite you in. Then, just stick out your hand, smile, and say, “Hello, my name is…” and take it from there.
If the group is closed—or it’s just two people standing with their feet pointed toward each other—then smile and move on. It’s all about manners—don’t intrude, don’t be rude. Simple.
5. Make It About THEM.
If you forget everything else, remember this: MAKE. IT. ABOUT. THEM.
Because soon enough, they’ll make it about you—if you ask good questions. Be curious. Find out what they do. Listen.Give a genuine compliment when you can.
Avoid the touchy topics: looks, clothing, sex, politics, and religion. Instead, try to compliment their work. For instance, I love it when people notice how much time I spend writing and say something nice about how I make it look easy.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, networking isn’t about working the room—it’s about turning a room full of strangers into friends—one person at a time. And be patient—building strong relationships takes time. So relax, take a deep breath, and smile.
Oh, and one last thing…
I’m not an extrovert. I’m introverted.
Introverts aren’t incapable of networking—we just do it differently. It’s not about the wow, it’s about the now—being present and truly connecting with people. Many extroverts draw their energy and enthusiasm from the room (which is why networking isn’t as hard for them). Most introverts, however, draw their energy from within—which is why networking is often draining afterward but equally rewarding.
So, maybe you’ve been thinking about networking the wrong way. Forget the sales pitches. Make friends. Take it easy. Take a breath. Smile.
Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert doesn’t matter…
I’m a Gemini—so what? Exactly.
Have fun. And for the umpteenth time—SMILE. They won’t bite… unless the bartender is wearing rubber. In that case, you’re on your own, bucko!
