Picture this: your car is making that ominous clunking noise again. You grab your phone and Google “mechanic near me.” But instead of finding the trusty, grease-stained hero you imagined, you stumble across a listing for an “Automotive Systems Optimization Specialist.” Confused, you scroll past. Your car’s clunking doesn’t need optimizing, and you don’t have time to decode fancy titles—you need a mechanic.
This is the arrogance of titles, the misplaced belief that your business gets to dictate the language of your industry. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. The market does. And if you ignore that simple truth, your business will be the one stalling on the side of the road.
You’re Not Fooling Anyone, Dr. Window Cleaner
Let’s be honest: nobody searches for a “Transparent Wall Maintenance Consultant.” They want a window cleaner. It doesn’t matter if you have a PhD in squeegee dynamics or authored the definitive white paper on streak-free shine. You’re invisible to them if you’re not using the language your audience understands.
But why does this happen? Because calling yourself a “window cleaner” might feel unglamorous. Business owners fall into the trap of wanting to elevate their status by using lofty titles, assuming it makes them sound more professional or cutting-edge. Spoiler: it doesn’t. It makes you sound ridiculous. Nobody hires a “Residential Culinary Optimization Specialist” to cook dinner—they want a chef.
And let’s not forget our dear “freelancers,” who’ve collectively rebranded themselves as “independent consultants” or “solopreneurs.” Listen, Karen, you’re not fooling anyone. You’re a freelancer, and that’s okay. People hire freelancers all the time—but only if they can find you.
The Market is Always Right
Here’s the rub: the market doesn’t care about your ego. People search for the words they know, not the words you wish they knew. Congratulations if you’re a mechanic calling yourself an “automotive engineer,” you’ve just priced yourself out of the search results.
This isn’t about dumbing things down; it’s about meeting people where they are. The language of the market is the shortcut to trust. It’s simple, clear, and direct. Your job as a business owner or service provider isn’t to educate people about your fancy title—it’s to get them to hire you. And if that means calling yourself a mechanic instead of an automotive engineer, so be it.
Think of it this way: the audience has the map, and their language is the compass. If you insist on taking a different route, don’t be surprised when they don’t find you. You’re not being innovative—you’re being obtuse.
Search Engines Don’t Like Your Ego
Beyond the human element, there’s the cold, hard reality of search engines. Google is not impressed by your creative titles. Algorithms are designed to match search queries with relevant content, not stroke your ego.
Let’s say someone searches for “best car mechanic in Toronto.” Google will serve up results with the word “mechanic,” not “vehicular diagnostic technician.” You’re dead in the digital water if your website is proudly plastered with jargon nobody searches for. You can spend thousands on SEO, but it won’t save you if you’re ignoring the market’s language.
The Comedy of Errors
The arrogance of titles isn’t just ineffective—it’s often unintentionally hilarious. Imagine an air conditioning repairman insisting on being called a “Climate Control Systems Specialist ” or a dog walker who rebrands as a “Canine Mobility and Enrichment Consultant.” At best, it’s confusing; at worst, it’s laughable.
When your audience has to pause and ask, “Wait, what do they actually do?” you’ve lost them. Nobody should have to play detective to figure out your business. Simplicity sells. Clarity converts.
You Can Be Fancy Later
If you’re really good at what you do, your reputation will elevate your status—not your title. Michelangelo didn’t call himself a “Renaissance Visual Engineer.” He was a painter and sculptor. People let his work speak for itself.
Similarly, Steve Jobs didn’t hand out business cards that read “Chief Visionary Futurist of Technological Ecosystems.” He was simply the CEO of Apple. Titles don’t make you impressive; your results do. Let your work earn the respect you’re chasing—not some convoluted, made-up designation.
How to Stop Overthinking It
If you’ve fallen into the title trap, don’t panic. Here’s how to climb out:
1. Ask Your Audience: Pay attention to the words your customers use to describe your business. Use that language—it’s gold.
2. Test Your Messaging: Update your website and marketing materials with simpler, market-driven language and track the results.
3. Keep It Real: Be honest about what you do. A mechanic who owns their title will always beat an “automotive engineer” who can’t change a tire.
4. Stay Humble: Remember, the goal is to connect with your audience, not impress them with jargon.
The Serious Point Beneath the Humour
At its core, this is a lesson about communication. The words we choose either create clarity or confusion. If your audience doesn’t understand what you do within seconds, they’ll move on to someone else who does.
The market’s language is non-negotiable. It’s chosen by the people you want to serve. You can fight it, but you’ll lose. Or you can embrace it, align with it, and watch your business thrive.
So, to all the “Vehicular Optimization Specialists,” “Transparent Wall Consultants,” and “Canine Enrichment Technicians” out there, drop the act. Call yourself what your audience already knows and trusts. The market is speaking—are you listening?
