Burlington, Ontario June 9, 2012 — In a startling turn of events, a recently received anonymous picture shows Apple’s rumoured iPhone5 heading in a radical new design direction.
Late last week our offices received a coffee-stained manilla envelope hand addressed in green crayon and containing a single, grainy black and white picture. Our art department was able to clean it up and after extensive analysis has concluded the photograph is indeed real and has not been tampered with.
Our image analysis expert suggests the absence of background detail surrounding the alleged new iPhone5 proves this photo was taken surreptitiously while the telephone was displayed on a white test bed or other sterile surface.
Apple design classicists will rejoice that the argument over possible size increase has evidently been resolved, and the telephone’s new design clearly shows a stronger frame and chassis.
The hotly debated speaker and headphone jack location issue has also been resolved and you can clearly see the integration of both with the new user interface design.
Apple Inc. has neither confirmed, nor denied the validity of this image nor have we received any official comment. We will of course comply with any and all legal requests for removal of said image.