“Beer Storming” and Sith Marketing

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June 6, 2007 by James
Filed under: Classical Marketing, Rants and Raves 

j0405344_small.jpgA few weeks ago I was sitting in my office… OK, it was the pub… with a client… OK, it was a buddy, and we were having a very serious conversation. OK, we were laughing our proverbial a**es off, and a good way through some very nice import beers and heading full speed ahead to that very special state of mind I call “Beer Storming.”

It’s like brain storming - only stupider.

***

Now don’t misunderstand, my buddy and I are not inebriates, we know our limits. When you fall over and can’t tell the floor from the ceiling - you’re cut off. We were no where near that.

We were however discussing a fascinating idea: What would it take for me to join the ‘dark side’ of marketing? What would turn me into a Sith Marketer? (For those who are not Star Wars fans… a Sith was the Bad Jedi Night.)

***

But maybe I should back up a little and tell you how it all began. Earlier in the beer flow, my buddy had told me about a client (yes… a real client) of his who had befallen some very unfortunate events. It would seem that someone decided to say and do a few things that were not strictly ethical - a smear campaign. To keep a long story short, the damage to this client’s business was quite heavy.

So my buddy asked me if I would consider doing some online reputation management or ’spin’ control for his client. I said of course, since it’s one of the things I do. I explained how we could develop a plan of repair and then how to manage future “assaults” if they occurred.

***

Now I can’t recall if it was me or my buddy who (while sipping on a nice frosty beer - remember… ‘beer storming’) turned and said, “If bad news travels faster than good, why not make the client look good by making the offender look worse!”

We cackled like a couple of old crones sitting around the cauldron fire during the opening scene of Macbeth (one hag short of a threesome I think) and then we fell quiet.

What if indeed…

***

Each of us grabbed a pen — I know, it’s supposed to be beer and chatting — but we always carry notebooks, pens and paper. Sad but true. Anyway, we began writing furiously figuring out how to create what I good naturedly called “Online Reputation Damagement.”

A boyish plan was hatched, we fleshed it out quite thoroughly as I recall. I was given the codename ‘Agent Green’ because we figured out we’d need to protect our identities so we could lead normal lives. We’d host all the web servers in far away countries with very lenient laws, we’d use multiple levels of cloaking and proxies, and although we would not officially break any laws, the plan included some pretty nasty ‘dark side marketing’ tactics.

***

Actually I was quite astounded at how easy it would be to seed the web with poison pen missives, how easy it was to craft a chaotic clamour for a company’s blood. Often in the news you may hear the expression, “If it bleeds, it leads!” the same holds true online. We could create anti-buzz, we could create suspicion and shadows, and we could squarely kick someone’s online reputation right in the … well you get the idea.

It’s much tougher rolling the bolder up the hill, working to build a positive image and online reputation. It could take weeks, months maybe even years to create a solid, trustworthy reputation.

We calcualted how to shred one inside 10 days…

***

Our evening nearly done, and our ‘beer storming’ coming to an end, we laughed and my buddy said to me, “James, remind me never to pi** you off!”

Fast forward to about two weeks ago. I was talking with a real client (no beer involved) and explaining how we could build their online marketing equity. I had just finished explaining if all we did was match the competitors marketing, we’d never catch up - we’d just hold the line. This client then said, “What if paid you to build me up, and tear my competitors down?”

I didn’t answer, I had not offered this approach as a solution. Images of my Sith Marketing ‘beer storming’ concept gurgled to the surface. This client went on to tell me they were not looking to make any friends in their industry, and were quite happy to be #1 however they got there. I dropped that client last week.

***

The moral of this story, because there is one. Don’t pi** off a marketer (or your waiter, your surgeon, or your lawyer.)

The magic of marketing works well for creative means. Skillfully executed you can make a business grow to new heights. But turn to the dark side, become a Sith Marketer, use the creative force in a destructive fashion and it works so much faster. *Evil Cackle*

Remember, building a city takes years, levelling one takes only moments.

You scared yet? Arn’t you glad I’m on your side? Where’s my check? :)

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